It’s been a few months since Eva Mendes claimed that sweatpants were the cause of countless divorces and I can’t stop thinking about her comment. She got a lot of heat for her now infamous statement, despite the half-joking tone with which she made it. Many thought the comment was somewhat sexist and even more cried out that our outfit at home should have nothing to do with the love and respect our husbands or boyfriends bestow on us.
And it shouldn’t. A healthy relationship is about seeing the beauty within each other, not just enjoying a sexy body or perfectly made up face. What you wear has far less to do with your marital success than who you are with each other. But let’s assume you’re in a healthy relationship… does what you wear really have no importance on your happiness together?
I’m going to join her somewhat unpopular camp and say… yes it does.
Maybe sweatpants (or for the ladies in my corner of the DMV, yoga pants) are in fact partly to blame for some of our unhappy relationships. Not the pants themselves but, as one writer at Time magazine points out, what these comfy, unstructured sacks of fleece represent. Sweat pants, yoga pants, baggy gym shorts, flannel pajamas, or whatever cozy comfy outfit you enjoy, is not really the root of divorce but they do symbolize something that is- lack of effort.
When you met each other and first started dating, I’m guessing that sweatpants were not the outfit you chose. You picked something attractive, sexy, enticing even. You probably put on a pair of slightly less comfortable shoes and went to the trouble of doing your hair and makeup. You made an effort to be attractive on the outside- in part to encourage your potential love to want to get to know what’s attractive on the inside. And in part as an act of self-care and self-love, let’s face it ladies, we dress for ourselves as much as we do for others. Sweatpants don’t just say I don’t care what you think about how I look, but I’m not that invested in how I feel about how I look.
Just because you are together and they know how funny or sweet or kind you are doesn’t mean that you can give up on the effort. Our tendency as humans is to put less effort into what’s familiar. We act on autopilot- even in how we dress. The problem is that relationships on autopilot will inevitably end up in disaster. We human beings are dynamic and ever changing and so if you want a great relationship, you’ve got to stay present and be willing to put in effort. And that effort should extend to your appearance just as much as it does to your communication and compassion for one another.
I don’t think Eva Mendes meant to shame us all for rocking our favorite pair of sweats every now and then. And I don’t think she was suggesting we should all adopt some sort of stepford wife costume and greet our husband at the door in pearls and heels every night (unless of course that’s your personal style, in which case carry on with your lady like self!). I think her point, and one worth hearing, is that our men deserve effort on our part, even in the appearance department. Just as we deserve to still get the occasional bouquet just because it’s Thursday or a romantic dinner or not constantly be subjected to his favorite pair of shorts with the hole in them.
Show him that he’s still worth the effort it takes to look good, even when it’s just Thursday night and all you’re going to do is cuddle on the couch to binge watch something on Netflix. Comfortable and sexy are possible in the same outfit. If you don’t believe me, come back next week to see what DC Ladies Fashion Contributor, Isoke Salaam has to say about creating chic and sexy looks while still staying cozy and comfortable at home.
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